Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize