No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
