Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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