I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
