so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
