hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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