doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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