Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
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He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
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Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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