Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
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Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
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Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.