her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?