census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!