My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
