I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
