LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
he fucked my hip out of place.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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