You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
