i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
