now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
