All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
