Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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