I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
