We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
