You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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