That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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