so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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