The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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