I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
