Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize