I want to make a zoo with you.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize