Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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