just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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