Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
time to smoke my breakfast
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
