I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
