At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
