yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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