They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Who died my cat blue again?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
