From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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