Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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