the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
