just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
