she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me