Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life

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(774): So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life http://tfl.nu/2cua

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(316): View more from Kansas

I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.

(1-316): View more from Kansas

Yeah I'm going to bathe him.

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(316): I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong. (1-316): Yeah I'm going to bathe him. http://tfl.nu/s84m

Replies (6) Good night (3925) Bad night (1021)
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(310): View more from California

Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.

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(310): Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention. http://tfl.nu/i2tc

Replies (17) Good night (2875) Bad night (4542)
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(415): View more from California

so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?

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(415): so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then? http://tfl.nu/dz1l

Replies (19) Good night (3650) Bad night (1139)
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(757): View more from Virginia

I believe some people would call last night an orgy.

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(757): I believe some people would call last night an orgy. http://tfl.nu/5qwc

Replies (7) Good night (3970) Bad night (961)
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(713): View more from Texas

I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...

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(713): I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year... http://tfl.nu/git3

Replies (5) Good night (1430) Bad night (741)
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(415): View more from California

Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.

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(415): Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked. http://tfl.nu/gx9q

Replies (4) Good night (708) Bad night (1111)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed

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(+44): Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed http://tfl.nu/9jww

Replies (13) Good night (1413) Bad night (690)
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(360): View more from Washington

Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis

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(360): Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis http://tfl.nu/354f

Replies (2) Good night (996) Bad night (752)
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(503): View more from Oregon

That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy

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(503): That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy http://tfl.nu/blrn

Replies (2) Good night (534) Bad night (746)
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(252): View more from North Carolina

He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.

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(252): He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high. http://tfl.nu/0y39

Replies (1) Good night (664) Bad night (388)
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(856): View more from New Jersey

his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...

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(856): his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits... http://tfl.nu/dl6r

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(734): View more from Michigan

If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear

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(734): If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear http://tfl.nu/bc5m

Replies (6) Good night (909) Bad night (308)
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(774): View more from Massachusetts

Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!

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(774): Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life! http://tfl.nu/dst5

Replies (1) Good night (365) Bad night (229)
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(856): View more from New Jersey

his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed

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(856): his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed http://tfl.nu/aeol

Replies (1) Good night (179) Bad night (380)

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