I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
39 Memes Anyone Who Cries When They See Their Bank Account Will Relate To
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.