There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?