Texts From Last Night

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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think

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  (202): if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think http://tfl.nu/ufei
  Replies (30) Good night (1568) Bad night (1282)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.

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  (403): So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint. http://tfl.nu/8aqq
  Replies (17) Good night (4478) Bad night (612)
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  (845): View more from New York

  beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween

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  (845): beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween http://tfl.nu/oes5
  Replies (26) Good night (5863) Bad night (547)
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  (224): View more from Illinois

  Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?

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  (224): Can you put "designated driver" on a resume? http://tfl.nu/qu7s
  Replies (8) Good night (4557) Bad night (989)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..

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  (425): there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room.. http://tfl.nu/dpny
  Replies (17) Good night (5830) Bad night (1121)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.

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  (775): I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps. http://tfl.nu/bl0l
  Replies (24) Good night (790) Bad night (5606)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.

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  (205): I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology. http://tfl.nu/8ghc
  Replies (18) Good night (1212) Bad night (4041)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.

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  (816): I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today. http://tfl.nu/j3kd
  Replies (3) Good night (2075) Bad night (612)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.

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  (251): THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK. http://tfl.nu/fxxg
  Replies (14) Good night (1335) Bad night (641)
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  (516): View more from New York

  is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?

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  (516): is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is? http://tfl.nu/4m9k
  Replies (6) Good night (1253) Bad night (596)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'

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  (309): he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins' http://tfl.nu/d755
  Replies (9) Good night (1906) Bad night (991)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.

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  (610): I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions. http://tfl.nu/ms2p
  Replies (12) Good night (931) Bad night (718)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.

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  (202): Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT. http://tfl.nu/ohed
  Replies (5) Good night (764) Bad night (406)
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  (916): View more from California

  I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...

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  (916): I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart... http://tfl.nu/pfn5
  Replies (2) Good night (408) Bad night (339)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?

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  (613): Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza? http://tfl.nu/8k2m
  Replies (4) Good night (623) Bad night (325)

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