is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.