there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
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His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
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I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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