i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
