You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
