there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
i need some magic done to my vagina
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
