Your dad touched me again.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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