anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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