I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
