i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Its about making memories worth repressing
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
