I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
