well you can't waste a boner
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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