I'm pants shitting drunk right now
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
