I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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