I think i peed on brittanys purse
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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