I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize