I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
