Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
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i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
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Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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