I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
