Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
