Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
you guys were way drunker than both of me
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
