I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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