Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
