just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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