im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
