apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
