As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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