He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
