im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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