Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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