Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
