you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
