Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
