The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
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sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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