There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
