Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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