there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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