I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
