Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
