you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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