Already got asked if we're dating
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
