so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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