Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
