I am spending my child support on dildos
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Please don't give away my fajitas
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
