She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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