i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
