I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
