then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
