the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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