I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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