I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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