I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
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